Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships: The 6 Boundaries You Need to Set (With Examples)
Do you often feel like you’re putting others first, leaving little room for yourself and your feelings? Setting boundaries might be the reset you need to protect your peace.
Boundaries are the expectations and personal limits we set to protect our well-being and ensure we feel comfortable in our relationships. They help us communicate what we need to maintain healthy connections with others.
Yet many of us were not modeled healthy boundaries as children, and so we struggle to maintain healthy boundaries as adults. If you’ve ever described yourself as a people-pleaser, a pushover, or as someone who has trouble saying “no”, you may have trouble setting healthy boundaries.
Society often portrays boundary violations in a “romantic” way (think: Growing up, many of us were told that when boys are mean to girls, it’s just because they "like" them) and even the most well-meaning adults may struggle to set boundaries in their own lives. It’s hard to model what we haven’t fully learned ourselves, so understanding and practicing healthy boundaries is important for showing our kids how to build respectful and supportive relationships. This blog will include personal boundaries examples and what to say to enforce them.
You may feel like you don’t set boundaries all that well. Finding your voice to set boundaries might feel challenging, but it’s a vital step toward nurturing your needs and building healthier, more respectful relationships. If you’re wondering where to even start with setting healthy boundaries and are looking for personal boundaries examples, you’re in the right place.
What are healthy boundaries?
Boundaries come in different forms: rigid, porous, and flexible (or healthy). Rigid boundaries are like walls—they can shut others out completely, making it hard to connect or ask for help. On the other hand, porous boundaries are too loose, where you might let others overstep, struggle to say no, or feel responsible for others' emotions. Porous boundaries may lead to things like codependency, enmeshment, people-pleasing or burnout.
Flexible or healthy boundaries are a balance. They allow you to protect your own needs while still being open to connection. With healthy boundaries, you can express yourself, set limits when needed, and maintain relationships that feel respectful and supportive.
Is Boundary Setting an Area You Need to Work On?
If stress, disappointment, or frustration is the norm for you, you probably need some help with boundary setting!
Here are some signs your boundaries could use a tune-up:
You’re always exhausted, burnt out, overwhelmed, or stressed.
You always say “yes” even when you really want to say “no”.
You’re tired of people mistreating you.
You feel hurt or resentful in your relationships.
You find yourself neglecting things that are important to you.
You might find yourself feeling more anxious, down, or increasingly dissatisfied in your relationships, as if something is missing or your needs aren’t being fully met.
You wish you could speak up when you’re uncomfortable but aren't sure where to start (or you worry about how others will perceive you if you do).
You feel unheard or pushed to the back burner in certain relationships.
You avoid people’s calls, texts, emails, etc.
Running away from everyone and everything sounds pretty darn appealing.
Thoughts That May Arise When You Try to Set Boundaries (But Get Stuck)
You might find it challenging to set boundaries because you’re worried about what might happen if you do. Do any of these sound familiar?
I can’t set a boundary because…
“It’s selfish.”
“They might think I’m being mean.”
“I’m going to feel too guilty.”
“They are going to be upset with me.”
“This might make things uncomfortable moving forward.”
“They aren’t going to listen to me anyways.”
“I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
“I don’t know how to say no.”
“What if…(insert worst case scenario)”
“Then I’m not being helpful.”
“They won’t like me anymore if I do.”
“I will lose them.”
“I don’t want to get fired.”
“I don’t have a good enough reason.”
“I should…”
“It will rock the boat or disrupt the family.”
“They will think it’s disrespectful.”
When you hold onto these beliefs, it makes setting boundaries feel impossible.
It’s important to remember that we all have boundaries, and it’s okay to have them. Setting boundaries isn't about being mean, we can express our needs or limits in a kind and respectful way. Just like we respect others’ boundaries, they should respect ours too.
Setting boundaries doesn’t have to feel so stressful—sometimes our worries are bigger than they need to be. By working on shifting these unhelpful thoughts and core beliefs, you can start setting boundaries more confidently and ultimately feel better about protecting your time, energy, and peace.
Why is it important to set healthy boundaries in relationships?
As Nedra Tawwab explains in her book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, “Creating healthy boundaries leads to feeling safe, loved, calm, and respected.”
Boundaries protect us. They are actually a form of self-care. Boundaries let others know what behavior is acceptable and what makes us feel comfortable
Healthy boundaries are the sign of a healthy relationship. Setting boundaries won't harm a healthy relationship—it actually helps nurture it. Having healthy boundaries will help you maintain a standard for what’s acceptable, spot red flags, and walk away from situations that do not serve you.
Setting healthy boundaries gives you a sense of personal safety, autonomy, and self-respect. They can improve your sense of self-worth by clearly communicating to yourself and others that you deserve respectful treatment. When you set and maintain boundaries, you affirm that your needs and well-being are important, reinforcing the belief that you are worthy. This practice not only protects your feelings and personal space but also strengthens your sense of self-respect and confidence.
Boundaries can act as a safeguard against burnout and can keep you from overextending yourself. When you know how to set healthy boundaries, you know how to avoid taking on responsibilities you don’t have the bandwidth for.
Regardless of what you may have been taught, you are allowed to put your own needs first. With a little bit of practice in setting healthy boundaries, you'll find it becomes a natural and empowering part of your life.
Let’s explore 6 types of boundaries and how you can create and maintain healthier boundaries in your life.
Personal Boundaries Examples: 6 Types of Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
Setting boundaries goes beyond just saying no. Depending on who you ask, there are 6 main types of boundaries, and they are as follows:
Physical boundaries
Physical boundaries define your limits around your personal space, touch, and your physical space (i.e. your room). Establishing clear physical boundaries is important because they promote comfort, maintain personal autonomy, and help prevent unwanted physical interactions, reinforcing your sense of safety and control.
Setting a physical boundary may sound like: “Please don’t go in my room without asking me first,” or, “I need some personal space; can you take a step back?”
2. Intellectual boundaries
Intellectual boundaries are about respecting each other’s ideas, beliefs and opinions. They mean that everyone’s thoughts and beliefs are valued, and there’s no pressure to agree or change your mind.
Setting an intellectual boundary may sound like, “It’s ok to have different opinions, but let’s keep this conversation respectful” or, “We can continue this discussion if you stop interrupting me.”
3. Emotional boundaries
Emotional boundaries protect our feelings and energy in relationships by defining what is and isn’t okay in how others treat or communicate with us. They help us avoid feeling overwhelmed or emotionally drained, while maintaining a strong sense of self. Healthy emotional boundaries also remind us that we are responsible for our own emotions, not others’. By setting clear emotional boundaries, we create space for mutual respect, healthy communication, and emotional safety in our relationships.
Setting an emotional boundary might sound like, “I care about you, but I don’t have
the bandwidth to provide emotional support right now. Can you talk to your therapist about this?” or, “I need you to take my feelings seriously and not brush them off. My emotions are valid, and I expect them to be respected.”
4. Sexual boundaries
Sexual boundaries are about setting limits and guidelines regarding physical intimacy and sexual activities. They help ensure that all parties feel respected, safe, and comfortable in intimate situations.
Setting a sexual boundary might sound like, “I need you to ask before touching me,” or, “I’m too tired to have sex right now, but if you want non-sexual touch, I’d love to cuddle.”
5. Material boundaries
Setting material boundaries involves determining who you are willing to share
material possessions or money with. If someone pressures you to lend them money, steals or borrows from you without your permission, they are violating material boundaries.
Setting a material boundary might sound like, “I prefer not to lend my car to anyone. I hope you understand,” or, “I’m not able to lend you any more money until you pay me back for last month.”
6. Time boundaries
Time boundaries involve managing and protecting your time from being overextended or disrespected by others. They help you set limits on how much time you spend on activities, commitments, or with people. By establishing time boundaries, you prevent burnout, maintain a healthy work-life balance, and make sure you can focus on what truly matters to you.
Setting a time boundary might sound like, “On Saturdays I spend time with my family, and I’m unavailable to answer work email or phone calls,” or, “I need some alone time to rest and recharge. I hope you understand.”
It is possible to set healthy boundaries in relationships and feel good about it! Therapy can help you find your voice as you practice boundary setting.
Boundary setting can feel quite uncomfortable when you’re just learning how. Whether you’re trying to determine how to set healthy boundaries in relationships such as marriage, friendships, or with parents and family members, therapy can help you gain clarity on what you need and how you can set appropriate limits that feel good to you.
I’m Katie Byram, and I offer online therapy for women and moms in California. If you need help setting personal boundaries you feel good about, contact me for a free consultation today!
Journal Prompts to set healthy boundaries
Think back to your childhood and reflect on how boundaries were modeled to you by the adults in your life. Were boundaries clear and respected or ignored? How did these experiences shape your understanding of what’s acceptable in relationships?
Consider how those early examples have influenced your core beliefs about your own worth and what you believe you deserve in your relationships today. Write about how these beliefs have impacted your ability to set healthy boundaries and whether there’s anything you want to change or redefine moving forward.
Take a moment to reflect on a boundary you’ve been wanting to set but haven’t yet. What is holding you back? Are you worried about how the other person might react, or are you afraid of feeling guilty or selfish? Consider any fears, beliefs, or past experiences that might be influencing your hesitation. How does not setting this boundary impact your well-being and your relationships? Write about what could change for the better if you were to honor your needs by setting this boundary.