Have you started to notice patterns in your relationship that leave you feeling emotionally drained rather than uplifted? Are you afraid to share your true thoughts or feelings out of fear of repercussions? Oftentimes, emotional abuse is covert. It sneaks up on us over time, showing up as a series of disrespected boundaries, criticisms, and blame-shifting.

If you’re tired of asking yourself if you’re the problem, keep reading.

We all have a desire to be safe, loved, and understood. Wanting those things is a natural part of the human experience. Our interactions with our primary caregivers lay the foundation for how we navigate our adult relationships. Ideally, we get security, warmth, and emotional attunement from our parents or caregivers when we’re children so we grow into adults with secure attachment.

Everyone has needs in a relationship. Your relationship needs are closely linked to your attachment style.

If you have an anxious attachment style, you may have been shamed in the past for expressing your needs or even been labelled as “too needy.” There can be a lot of unintentional push-pull in romantic relationships, leading to hurt feelings, frustration, disappointment and fear that your partner will leave if you voice what you want.

You've been eagerly waiting for a text message from your partner all day, but as the hours pass, you start to feel increasingly anxious. You check your phone repeatedly, hoping to see a message notification, but each time, there's nothing. Your mind begins to race with thoughts and worries. Did you say something wrong? Are they upset with you? Have they lost interest?